“Ms.
Primrose” - BigWig
“Mr. Kenny” - BigWig
“Mr. Porridge” - BigWig
Guillermo Gutierrez – Producer
He’s the voice
of TOA you never hear, steadfast in his efforts to keep the program
on track. It ain’t easy, which could explain his occasional grouchiness,
but make no mistake – without Mr. Gutierrez at the controls, TOA would
crash and burn faster than you could say “It takes two to mu.” Oh,
and he has three nipples.
Fred Ensley – Associate Producer
Every good organization needs a guy like Fred, who has no sense of humor whatsoever. I mean, the man is more serious than bubonic plague – which makes him an invaluable resource when everyone else succumbs to the “giggle monster,” and thus can’t perform their jobs properly.
Noland Rasmussen – Chief Engineer
This
is the guy to knows where all the wires connect to, for starters –
and there are a shitload of wires. His nickname “The Groundhog” works
on two levels. One, he’s often heard burrowing in one of the
facility’s many crawl spaces – and two, his routine never changes
(in at 8, out at 5, bologna sandwich for lunch, smoke breaks at 10:30
and 3:30, etc.), as in the movie Groundhog Day.
Dennis McDonald - Field Engineer
When I’m recording outside the
studio – as in the Mountain Chronicles, for example – Dennis is the
man who ensures the audio remains ship-shape. A man of few words,
Dennis is more often found talking to squirrels and picking wild mushrooms
for his “collection.”
Billy Schlomsky – Talent
Handler
Let’s face it, I can be a little difficult at times.
Ornery even. Like most performers, I feel like I’m entitled to a certain
amount of coddling vis a vis Jumex cocktails and boars’ heads delivered
to my dressing room. Which is where Billy Boy comes in. I simply say,
“Billy Boy! Get me a boar’s head, stat!” and to my constant amazement,
he does it. I’m not sure we’re even paying him, to be honest ...
Fabien LeBlanc – Wardrobe Manager
This is a tough position,
Fabien being wardrobe manager #6. Hailing from the runways of
Floyd Peachtree –
Set Dresser
A 30-year veteran of community theater, “Peaches”
has a truly magic touch when it comes to prop design and placement.
In fact, we started calling him “Midas” for that very reason, but
he insisted that we call him “Peaches” instead. Could be because he’s
gay.
Juanita Flowers -
Chief Financial Officer
When they changed the toilet paper from
quilted Charmin to that single-ply industrial stuff, we had Juanita
to thank. Need a staple remover? Gotta ask Juanita. It’s not that
bad, though. She makes up for her tight-wadedness with a potty mouth
that makes Andrew “Dice” Clay look like Mr. Rogers. OH!
Marcy Miller – Senior VP – Advertising
Marcy is such a goddamned nice person that it sickens me, it really does. She volunteers at local soup kitchens and animal shelters – and always has a bowl of M&Ms on her desk, never griping when certain people (Fred) greedily scoop out big handfuls while she’s at lunch. Plus, she’s really good at her job. Which is nice.
People
Geoffrey Stanton – In-House Council
I’ve
taken to calling Geoff “Johnny Law” although it hasn’t caught on yet.
He’s a blueblood, ivy league guy, but not pretentious at all. To the
contrary, he’s startlingly Will Ferrell-like in his behavior, often
blurting out inappropriate comments about his scrotum – or scrota
in general.
Rachael Brown – Graphic Designer
a.k.a. Little Miss Sunshine, due to her impossibly bright outlook and positive attitude, which, to be honest, also sicken me from time to time (I kid because I love). Among other things, she is responsible for the original TOA logo/masthead, the design of this website and most of the T-shirt designs in the Steve Dupont Corporation Giftshop. You go girl!
Sharon DiLusso –
Receptionist
One cannot overstate the role
