Let me explain something to you.

 

Crazy as it may sound, not everyone likes the smell of freshly microwaved popcorn.

 

Me, for example.

 

I’d rank my own flatulence much higher on a list of tolerable odors. 99.99% of people would likely disagree with me on this.

 

You, for example.

 

After all, generally speaking, my farts smell bad.

 

Now, bear with me, though. Just imagine that everyone in your entire office (except you) farted in unison. A huge collective emission of gas. That would stink up the place, wouldn’t it? That would be kind of impolite, wouldn’t it? An olfactory invasion of space you might even say, huh? Well ...

 

IT’S THE SAME GODDAMNED THING WITH THE POPCORN!

 

I mean, Jesus Christ, have some consideration for others. And don’t give me this “But I have a right to enjoy some delicious freshly popped popcorn as a snack—“

 

Bullshit! Not at the office you don’t. You have no more right to microwave that popcorn than I do to bring a crockpot full of yak entrail stew and just simmer that badboy all day long.

 

Mmm … yak entrails.