HELP! I’M TURNING INTO DONALD RUMSFELD!
Is
this disturbing on a number of different levels?
Sure.
Am
I finding it harder and harder to talk like a normal person?
You
bet.
Is it possible I’ll continue to ask myself questions until
I slump unconscious?
Absolutely.
How long will that take?
It’s unknowable. Could be a day. Could be a week, a month or
a year. It just can’t be known. See, there are things we know. We
know that we know them, and everybody else knows we know them – like,
that my voice is becoming whinier and my eyes squintier. I am a handsome
devil, though! These are known knowns. But there are also things we
know that we don’t know, like when the questions will stop or what
kind of hair products will best maintain the trademark coiffure. You
are a studhorse! These are known unknowns. Then, of course, you’ve
got the things you don’t even know you don’t know, which is some real
tricky territory, the unknown unknowns, like, for example … well,
I can’t even give an example because I don’t know of any. Which makes
sense. So it’s just that simple. I hope that answers your question.
My question. Ow! My nose! I think it’s growing …
Do I find that
ironic?
Sure.
Am I secretly hoping other body parts will
grow, too?
You bet.
Can I please slump unconscious now?
Absolutely.
(THUD)