People are always quick to lambaste TV. They even purport it's capable of siphoning off intelligence from the human brain. And I find it hard to disagree in most cases, having become pretty stupid myself.

On the other hand, I think the boob-tube can be quite valuable as a therapeutic device - and, no, I'm not talking about Oprah or Dr. Phil. I'm talking about commercials. Specifically those you see on cable programs in the daytime or late at night. You don't believe me? Well, the next time you plop down for a documentary about tug boats, or a rerun of your favorite 80s sitcom - Benson, for example - try answering all the questions posed by the advertisers, and you'll get a pretty good litmus test of how your life is going in general.

Do you have bad credit? Have you been injured in an accident? Do you have headaches? Hemorrhoids? Penile dysfunction? Looking for an overnight solution to your weight problem? Tired of wrestling with your garden hose? Need a cash advance on your paycheck regardless of the interest rate? You get the idea. In other words, your life sucks proportionally to how many "yes" responses you give.

Most of these commercials typically end with that blue screen and the same guy who repeats the phone number three times and shouts, "Call now!" Scientific research must show that blue is more likely to induce one to "pick up that phone!" than red or green. I'll confess, I succumbed myself the other day - to this ad for a cutting-edge bed made out of authentic NASA astronaut foam. They said I could receive an information packet and also a free chunk of foam, so it seemed like a no-brainer to me. I'm very curious about what this astronaut foam feels like - and if it's up to snuff, I figure I'll order about 50-60 more samples, glue them all together and ala-kazaam! Kiss my chronic back pain goodbye! Or I could just take that one chunk, slice it up and make shoe sole inserts out of it. Walking around on a fluffy cushion of astronaut foam ... Oh yeah, that would make my life better for sure.

All Pages © Copyright 2006 by Steve Dupont