Topeka, KS – In a well orchestrated sting operation conducted by local law enforcement, as many as ten unlicensed businesses were shut down over the weekend. The target: Lemonade stands. The perpetrators: Local children, some as young as two years old.
The
Gestapo-like initiative raised serious concerns among parents and
thirsty citizens, who congregated in front of Police Headquarters
today. The protest was, for the most part, a peaceful one. However,
numerous lemons were thrown at the building itself, and one
woman was taken into custody after she ingested over five gallons
of lemonade—in an apparent display of solidarity with the accused
vendors.
“I can understand the frustration,” said police spokesman Joseph Castro in a press conference held yesterday, “but we have a fundamental responsibility to uphold the integrity of the law, and the fact is that these individuals were engaging in the unauthorized sale of a product. History shows that, once we begin to make certain exceptions, a domino effect will result, and this type of activity has proven to be a gateway enterprise, leading to such offenses as drug and gun trafficking, extortion, and racketeering …” Then, after a lengthy pause, he added, “So in essence we’re doing these youngsters a favor.” Castro failed to mention that one particular five year old girl would also be facing charges of trademark infringement as a result of a sign she used to advertise her lemonade as being “not too tart, not too sweet.”
“This is totally outrageous,” said Wade Waters, whose
son was among the group of youngsters put out of business. “It’s
one thing to crack down on a legitimate threat to the community—like
hippies—but this is just outrageous. My lawyer is going to kick
their lawyer’s butt.” Nearly all the other parents involved
share the same objective and thus a series of long, nasty court battles
are bound to ensue.