Denver,
Colorado -- Downtown traffic became unusually snarled Tuesday,
when witnesses say a headless man appeared. The man, later identified
as 33-year-old Lester Horseman by the Denver County Sheriff’s Department,
apparently scurried around the intersection of 17th and California
Street for several minutes before he collided with a metal pole and
slumped to the pavement, unconscious.
Local resident Gerde Cafemorgen,
who was waiting to cross the busy intersection on her way to work,
said, “I just nearly fell right over myself—from fainting you know. It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen.”
Within minutes,
an ambulance arrived and transported Horseman to nearby St. Luke’s
Medical Center, where he remains in serious-but-stable condition. According to Chief Neurosurgeon, Doctor Minesh Patel, Horseman’s head
had indeed been removed and replaced with a makeshift electromechanical
device constructed of two nine volt batteries, copper wire and a potato,
among other unidentified objects. The device, which Doctor Patel
touted as, “scientifically revolutionary apparatus,” was not removed
for fear of the medical implications and thus far has baffled doctors,
scientists and law enforcement officials alike.
In a dramatic
series of events late last night, the headless Horseman not only sat
up in his hospital bed but was able to write several sentences on
paper. The exact nature of the correspondence has not yet been
disclosed but authorities maintain hope that, once deciphered, the
message could provide the first major break in this case. Today,
a team of forensic experts from the Federal Bureau of Investigation
will intercede while, sources close to The Newspaper say the FBI will
also pursue a tip identifying renowned “evil mad scientist” Frank Enstein as a prime suspect. An FBI spokesperson refused
to comment directly on Enstein, who has been indicted and acquitted
of over fifteen charges since 1973, including murder, manslaughter,
conspiracy and mayhem, but said, “We are exhausting every lead in
an effort to recover the victim’s head and bring the perpetrator to
justice. A full-scale manhunt is immanent.”
Meanwhile, Horsman’s family members remain vigilant at his bedside, hoping and praying that he will live long enough to see his body again.