Studies Show Prehistoric Chickens Tasted Like Fish

Washington, DC -- The National Institute for Research of Fish and Fowl (NIRFF) released studies today indicating that ancestors of the modern day chicken actually tasted more like fish.

 

"It's a huge breakthrough," said paleontologist and renowned culinary expert Mark Makers, who inherited the study when he joined NIRFF in 1978. "Many of us have devoted the better part of our lives to this and it's gratifying to finally get the results we have been looking for."

Makers and his team employed a cross functional scientific methodology, analyzing DNA from chicken, fish, and hominoid fossils dating back as many as three million years, studying ancient cave drawings and consuming massive quantities of chicken, fish and prescription-strength antacid tablets. They now believe these findings could be a mere threshold to discoveries of gigantic proportions. Among the goals is a confirmation of the theory that nearly all meat tasted like fish until a certain point in time when, for reasons yet unexplained, tastes suddenly began to shift toward chicken. The precise historical timeframe of this transition period is what Makers and his colleagues at NIRFF are now trying to hone in on. "We've uncovered a culinary paradigm here," Makers went on to say. "Who knows, maybe in another three million years both chicken and fish will taste like SPAM."

 

Although the evidence Makers and his team have presented is undisputed thus far, NIRFF spokesman Vernon Washington is speaking with caution, pointing out that, "The conclusiveness of the study is still in question-namely due to our limited knowledge of early human neurology, as well as our lack of a safe and effective intra-dimensional bio-transporter, more commonly known as a time machine. For example, based solely on the same set of criteria we've used here, we have reason to believe that certain lizards tasted like bamboo, that peas tasted like carrots, and so on. We are encouraged by the progress but clearly need to redouble our efforts."

 

Thanks to a new set of grants from the American Surf and Turf Society, they'll be able to do just that. According to a spokesman, the group has not yet decided how this information may impact the average person's diet. Yet they hope the publicity will help consumers overcome the stigma of combining fish and poultry in their meals.